Silent Hill
by SheepytheAwesome
Summary: This is an insanely accurate retelling of the story if Harry Mason was sent by the President to kill zombie aliens with Cheryl.
1. KAPITEL EINS

One day, Harry Mason got a letter from the President to investigate a local town that was tied with some disappearances and zombie aliens, for the President felt he could trust Harry Mason, for he was such a man's man. When Harry got the letter in the mail, he bolted for his room and opened the secret entrance to his underground lair, the Hair Cave. He ripped his shirt off and threw the key into the hovercraft jet invisibile boatmobile, all before young little Cheryl came down the steps, holding a teddy and rubbing her SLEEPY EYES.

"DADDY I'M TIRED WHAT WE DOING," she said in her child voice.  
"NOTHING, DAUGHTER," yelled the man of action. He lifted her up by the neck and threw her into the hovercraft thing, jetting off from the bottom of the cliff his mansion resided on to travel the planet in order to find this "local town." When he had reached it, he drove the hovercraft into a fire truck, setting it ablaze and bursting through the flames, holding little Cheryl on his shoulder and standing his ground to look about.

THE TOWN WAS BLURRY AND FOGGY AND GREY, and Harry could not see his aim in this goshdang place. He searched the ground with his laser eye vision eyes and found a flashlight buried forty miles beneath the surface of the town. He drew his arm back before whiplashing it against the ground and causing a great tremor to split the ground. The divide had been deep enough for Harry to jump down and fetch the flashlight, along with a purple-masked Spaniard selling mysterious items.

"WELLLCOME," said the mysterious mystery man. "WE GOT PLENTY OF I'EMS, STRAAAANGAAAHHHHHH"  
"I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT WILL REPLACE FETCH QUESTS," screamed the hairy man. "THEY ARE TROUBLESOME AND ANNOYING"  
"WHAT'RE YA BOYIINNNNN'?!!!!!" The mysterious merchant man yanked a radio out from his merchant pants and shoved it towards Harry. He then flew away on the back of a dragon.  
"OH NO," Harry exscreamed.

Harry had flown back up to the top of the chasm, only to find that Cheryl had been kidpanned. Harry saw a note where he had left her, and it read

Mom

Why doesn't u Wake up?

Harry clenched the note in his man fist. He body shook with sadness and despair, tears forming in his eyes and slowly sliding down his Harry Mason face. He threw the note onto the ground, dropped onto his knees, and threw his hands into the air.

"LLLUUUUIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!!"

Harry Mason was no longer a man of action.


	2. KAPITEL ZWEI

NOTE OH MY GOD: I'm writing this as I go along in the game. THIS GAME IS SCARY.

KAPITEL ZWEI

After Harry Mason dealt with the drama that was his daughter's kidnaping, Harry Mason threw the remains of his hovercraft into a random building and ran inside the hole it had created. Harry Mason looked around and saw a random SEXY POLICE OFFICER OH MY GOSH standing there in her super tight leather PANTS.

"HELLO I AM CYBIL JOHNSON," said the policeman officer. "WHO ARE YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHY ARE YOU HERE DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS"

"I AM A MAN OF GREAT ACTION," said the Harry man. "I AM SEARCHING FOR MY DAUGHTER OF YOUNG AGE AND HAIR OF DARK COLOR."

"I HAVE NOT SEEN A DEMON THAT OF WHICH YOU SPEAK," replied Civil. "HOWEVER IF YOU FIGHT THOSE DEMONS I SUGGEST YOU TAKE GUN." She threw a rocket launcher at his face and hopped on her flying space bike, jetting off into the fog.

Harry Mason looked around the thing that stuff happened in. He found some gun things and maybe a map or something, and then the radio started to scream at him when he started to exit the house thing he walked into.

"YO DAWG TAKE ME WIT YA"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!!! HUH?! RADIO?!!! WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT RADIO?!!!" Harry Stonemason whipped out his AK-47 and started to shoot rapidly at the radio. After going through about 40 clips of ammo, he went over to the radio and picked it up. Just then, giant pterodactyls came through the window and started to explode all over Harry Mason like BOMBS OR SOMETHING!!! He grabbed the radio and flew out on the extra space bike that was left behind by Civil War.

As he flew through the streets, swinging his stick around violently and shooting missiles from his bike at the demons who lay before him, Harry Mason jumped off from the bike, did an awesome kick flip/back flip in the air, shot his two submachine guns while rotating 360 degrees, and landed on his feet while the bike steered and crashed into another fire truck, setting it on fire.

"IT'S ACTION TIME!!!," screamed the Mason of Hair. He wasted about 50 more clips of ammo on more demons before kicking the door of the school in and jumping 10 feet, rotating 720 degrees in the air, wasting another 20 clips of ammo, landing on the ground, doing a barrel roll, and landing crouched down in front of the stairwell.

"I MUST SAVE CHERYL!! I MUST SAVE EARTH!!!!" He ran up the stairs, blasting away at every single little thing that moved–living or not–and kicked various doors open. Nothing but creepy music and the haunting sound of children laughing was heard.

"THIS IS CREEPY!!! BUT I MUST GO THROUGH WITH THIS IF I AM TO SAVE CHERYL–NO!! THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Harry Manson climbed up the sixty flights of stairs of the school all the way up to the roof. He stood at the edge, looking into the distance. He grabbed his radio and stared at it.

"Man, what I wouldn't give to be able to call a helicopter in just so I could shoot it with my rocket launcher..."

Harry felt he was getting a tad off topic, so he raced back down the sixty flights of stairs and into the hallway again. He stared at the walls which had words on them.

Dude, seriously, I don't even know who writes these stupid messages on the walls. I think it might be Alessa's mind powers or something, I don't know. I mean hi.

"'CHILDREN MAKE ME HORNY'," Masonry read aloud. "Oh, wait, that's....oh my God, what's wrong with this place?!"

HE THEN ran through the village school place I forget where he is and came across more words on the walls that displayed very grotesque and disturbing things.

"'BRAINS ARE NICE AND STUFF'!!! 'CHILDREN SHOULD BE NAKED ALL THE TIME'!!!! 'THERE WAS A HOLE HERE, NOW IT'S GONE'!!!!!"

HARRY MONEYMAN kept running through the school, screaming because the random words on the walls were scaring the crap out of him. Once he got to the other end of the school without fighting ANY MONSTERS AT ALL, he stood in front of the door that said "Exit" over it.

"I'M ASSUMING THIS IS THE STAFF EXIT," he thought loudly to him. "I'D BETTER NOT USE IT BECAUSE I'M NOT A STAFF MEMBER." He then blew the door up with a flamethrower so that he wouldn't have to think about it. Just then, a flaming ghost appeared from the decimated staff exit.

"OH NO!!!!!!!!!!" Hairball screamed. "'TIS A VILLAIN!!!!!!!"

"I AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST"

Harry Mason stood in shock. How will he face this demon without the help of Civil?! Find out next time!!


	3. KAPITEL DREI

ANOTHER NOTE OH EM JIGGLES: I APOLOGIZE for my absense, fanbase, but I was busy reading a hard book!!!!!!

KAPITEL DREI

After having solved multiple puzzles on normal difficulty, Harry Mason--man of action, once more--discovered the path he was truely to be on. The various monsters had scared him on his path, and the disturbing walls made him feel like he was trapped in another world. But once he found the door he was looking for, he heaved a great sigh of rejoice.

"FINALLY!!!," shouted he. "I FOUND WHAT I MUST DO!!!!" He opened the door, and stared in shock. 'Twas a lizard with a split mouth!

"OH TEH NOES!!!!" said the Harry Man.

"WUT U DO IN MAH LAIR BITCH!!!11" questioned the lizard as he jumped on his back legs and ran around the bonfire, chasing Henry--I mean Harry.

"HOW MUST I FIGHT?!!!" He whipped out his shotgun and was swallowed up.

"OH NO, GAME OVER?!!!" shouted the player, who hit "Continue."

HARRY MASON MAN respawned in front of the door which he had died before. He had the deepest, most heart-wrenching look of sadness on his Harry Mason face. The emotion displayed would send even the manliest man whailing like a siren, the pain of looking at his melancholy too strong. The twisting and contorting of the muscles displayed simply the saddest expression a mere human could merely dream of expressing.

":(," said Harry. He felt he must do much more to obtain the victory against the vagina-mouthed lizard he had so dearly desired. He decided he needed a wooden plank. He looked around the counters for one, but instead, found the stupidest story anyone had ever written or read.

"ONE DAY THIS GUY WALKED UP TO THIS LIZARD AND WAS ALL," Harry Manmason started, "'YO BITCH WHERE MAH MONEY' AND THE LIZARD WAS ALL 'YO B I AIN'T GO YO SHIT TODAY TRY LATAH' AND SO THE GUY TOOK AN ARROW AND SHOT IT IN THE LIZARD'S MOUTH AND THEY DIED THE END. WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS." Harry stuffed the story down his pants and went on to fight the demon lizard.

"HEY STUPID CRAP HEAD I HAVE COME TO SEEK OUT MY REVENGE!!!" Harry got up on the Hydra's back and proceeded to whip him good with his keyblade, just as his satyr friend taught him to. The vagina lizard released a tongue of epic proportions and wrapped it around Harry Mayson, yanking him into his mouth and giving the player another gameover.

"WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!!!," spoke the player. He hit "Continue" again.

After Harry Mason materialized in front of the boss door AGAIN, he thought for a moment. "IF THAT STORY COULD BE APPLIED TO THIS REAL-LIFE SITUATION," thought he in loudness, "THEN I SHOULD JUST KEEP SHOOTING THE VAJAYJAY LIZARD'S MOUTH UNTIL HE DIES!!" He whipped out his rocket launcher, having found a good use for it that didn't involve helicopters, and ran back into the boss room.

"YOU WANT STARS?!! I'LL GIVE YOU STARS!!!" Harry Mason shot his pistol--I mean rocket launcher at the beast that was once known as a man (if you follow the movies) but is now known as the Nemesis--I mean vagina-mouthed lizard. The ever-so-specific victory music from Final Fantasy VII played as Harry Mason twirled his sword around and held it against his back.

"SWEET I ADVANCED THE PLOT!!!" he ran into wherever he was taken, I think back to the regular school, and he started to hear the bells of Notre Dame.

"HM I HEAR MUSIC!!!!!!!1111" he ran outside to the church, which was a convenient TWO CITIES OVER.

Having gotten outside, Harry Mason flipped down his sunglasses and flipped his long coat back to reach his gunholsters on his hips. He pulled out two submachine guns and criss-crossed his arms, firing the right gun left and the left gun right--right at the monsters who dare bring light to his lair. He jumped onto the tops of the buildings and ran, the monsters climbing up the building walls to chase him. He fired behind till he jumped into an alleyway, dashing out and kicking the door into the nearby church.

"LET'S GET HOLY," he shouted his cool new one-liner.

Having heard this, a mysterious old gypsy fortune-telling woman turned around with a dramatic FMV to reveal the importance of her character. I beg to differ, because she ends up dying, anyway, which you know if you've played 3. Which is my least favorite, by the way, mainly because I don't like the plot, and because I DON'T LIKE HEATHER.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the elderly woman who appeared to be wearing a tie turned around and spoke in cryptic metaphors.

"THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST AND SETS IN THE WEST!!!!," she screamed in her tuberculosis-ridden hag voice. "THOU MUST STOP THE DEVIL!!!!! THE DEEEEVVIILLLL!!!!!" she then burst into flames, screaming a stomach-turning scream

":(," said Harry once more. He walked up to her and spoke as if she were both sane and not on fire. "Have you seen a little girl? Short, black hair. Just turned seven?"

"AAHHHHHH--no, but I think you should go here." She drew a circle on his map and continued to scream.

"Okay, thanks," the Hair Man began to walk out, but noticed something in the burning woman's hand. "WHAT'S THAT"

"HUH?!! Oh, this is FLAUROS!!!!" She held it up while the infamous Legend of Zelda "Item Get" music played. "It is used to fight back the forces of STAN!!!!"

"THIS STAN GUY SOUNDS DANGEROUS!!!" He yanked the millenium puzzle from the woman's hand and looked at it.

"You know, this reminds me of something." He ran off, shrugging away the thought of stuff. Harry Mason ran towards the circle the elderly woman had marked on his now-singed map. It was an antique shop that symbolized how the Order was too old for anyone to care about or remember!

"HM 'TIS AN ANTIQUE SHOP WHICH SYMBOLIZES HOW THE ORDER IS TOO OLD FOR ANYONE TO CARE ABOUT OR REMEMBER!!!" Harry Masonry paraphrased. He grabbed a fire truck and threw it into the shop, basically destroying the front half. He stepped inside.

What will Harry Buttface find inside?!! Find out next time!! 


	4. KAPITEL VIER

KAPITEL VIER

After having walked into the shop of antiques, Harry Mangrove explored the dusty and dark interior of the long-forgotten place. He looked at various pieces of furniture, giving similar responses to all.

"THIS IS A CLOCK!!! THIS IS A DESK!!! THIS IS A CHAIR!!!" He kicked over one of the chairs in anger because he's a man of conflicting emotions!! "I'LL NEVER FIND CHERYL THIS WAY!!!! SHE COULD BE DEAD FOR ALL I KNOW!!!"

"DON'T LOSE YOUR HOPE JUST YET, MASON!!!," came the yell of a woman who had blonde hair and was probably the only character accurately portrayed in the movie other than Alessa, but even she wasn't portrayed right. She had the same outfit and everything, but her hair was either insanely short, or it was just in a ponytail. I think it was the latter, because in some scenes in the game, you can vaguely see her hair is in a ponytail.

"OMG IT SIGIL!!!" Harry Mason yelled with a wiggling flail of his arms. "I THOUGHT YOU LEFT TO SAVE SOME RANDOM TOWN FROM A ZOMBIE INVASION!!!"

"I WAS, MASON, BUT A TRAP HAD BEEN LAID FOR ME, AND I GAZED UP IN FEAR AND ALARM AT A FIGURE WHOSE CLUTCHES WERE IRON AS MUCH AS THE BELLS OF THE SILENT HILL CHURCH!!!"

Good God, that was the worst reference ever...

"DID HE HAVE A HUNCHBACK BUDDY TO COMMIT CRIMES?!!!"

"NOT REALLY BECAUSE IT WAS A CLIFF AND ALL THE STUFF HAD DIED AND YEAH"

"OH TEH NOES!!!" Harry Mansonmason whipped out another hovercraft and threw it into one of the walls, revealing a hole with stuff in it!!

"WHAT YOU TALKIN' BOUT MASON" Cybil attempted to be that one short black guy who was doing those commercials a few years back.

"I MUST SAVE MEINE TOCHTER, LIBYC!!!" he jumped through the hole and looked around, noticing an alter.

"HM I WONDER IF THIS HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING INVOLVING ANYTHING!!!" he lifted up and candle that was--for some reason--lit, and gazed at it with enchantment.

"THE SOUL OF THIS FIRE REMINDS ME OF A TIME BACK WHEN BARE-FOOTED GYPSIES DANCED IN THE STREET FOR MERE COINS!!!"

Just as his monologue had started, a man wearing a blue coat snuck behind him and shoved Harry in a way that caused the candle to catch fire on his clothes, setting his whole existence on fire as he ran around screaming.

"I MET THE DEVIIIILLLLL!!!!!!"

"MWAHAHA," shouted the man in the blue coat. "GAME OVER, BITCH!!!"

The screen flashed gameover.

"HOLY CRAP, MAN, HOW DO I AVOID THAT TRAP?!!!!," shouted the player, who was wearing coins on his clothing. He hit "Continue".

HARRY MASON respawned right in front of the alter again. He completely ignored the candle and went straight out of the room. Civil Rights Movement had vanished, and the walls turned the rusty color they were before.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Harry Mason got on his knees and reached for the sky, shouting the infamous quote that was made even cheesier when Darth Vader said it at the end up Episode Tres. After the dramatic hating of his life, the Hairy Hairball ran outside and towards the hospital, although I honestly think this is the wrong order of events. I think you go to the antique shop AFTER you go to the hospital.

Crap, man.

Okay, so, Harry Mason went to the hospital. He did stuff. He killed the dogs out at front with his laser beams that shot from his eyes. He did a cool backflip and fased through the door. He looked around. He did more stuff. He looked across the front counter and stared at the map which was just so maticulously out of his reach.

"HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THAT?!!!!" Harry ripped his shirt off and began to turn green. His insanely manly purple shorts began to get stretched out as his anger flowed through the radioactively-diseased veins used to transport blood to his organs. He threw a chair out the window and let the demon dogs which looked different than in 3 even though they symbolize the exact same thing inside and eat away at his manly man flesh. Harry Mansonmasoncrapbutt grabbed them by their necks and also threw them out the window, causing the world to explode. I just got done eating the best burritos in Ohio, so I have no idea what I'm typing anymore. Harry the Hulk Man looked around the hallway where stuff happened, and when he noticed a door, he became normal Harry the Normal Man and punched a hole in it with his fist. He ran inside and grabbed the map.

"DADADADAAAAAA~!!!" he sang the Item Get music. He then ran around the Demented Hospital and did some stuff. Two new enemies--although both insanely similar--were introduced in this world, those being the Puppet Nurses and Puppet Doctors. Although they did not burp, sound eerily similar to the main character, or have breasts as big as the moon, they were still quite creepy and sometimes the radio wouldn't sound when they neared Harry. They were sensitive to light, such as all the nurses and most enemies, but since most people believe that Harry is either a pedophilic rapist or too dumb to even get out of his own backyard, I feel, reader, that I must keep in the spirit of the many fangirls who like to pair Harry up with James, or James up with Henry, or Walter with his dog, and regretably and unwillingly attempt to claim that Harry was too stupid to realize that when his flashlight was off, the monsters wouldn't attack unless he was super close to them, which I think wasn't implemented until the third installment. So imagine, reader, a man whose stupidity defies that of any Square Enix character, and whereas there is evidence to supply the inferences that those characters' stupidity is magnified and blatantly obvious, there is little to no evidence that Harry Mason could be anywhere near as stupid as Tidus, Kairi, or Vaan, who, in fangirls' and players in general's opinion, are the dumbest and stupidest of the Square Enix characters. The reasoning behind many who claim Harry Mason is dumber than a bunch of rocks comes from his incessant need to constantly point out what is what and which is which, but the players, being the wise and knowledgable they claim to be, fail to realize that if you examine an item, what goes through your mind is simply the phrase, "It's a clock," or "It's a desk." If you were to examine something to see what it was, you'd say what it was. So understand, reader, that although I believe Harry Mason isn't as dumb as many believe, I will stay in the liking and preference of the reader and say he is too dumb to even tie his own shoe.

Harry Mason encountered a puppet nurse dancing and swinging at him with her puppet-like arms, the sight and fright of such a demonic demon from Hell scaring the bejeebies out of Harry Mason to the point where all he did was run around the hospital in circles, screaming his head off. The reason he ran around aimlessly wasn't due to his "stupidity," but was due to the fact that he couldn't understand the puzzles, which many would claim was due to his "stupidity." After hiding in a room with blood on the rolling bed mattress thingy, Harry had another monologue.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE TO GO TO HALF OF THESE LEVELS!!!!" Harry Mason grabbed the bed and threw it at a wall, revealing a young lady who wore a coat of red and a hair of brown.

"LEIK OMGSH," said she. "LEIK, ANOTHER HUMAN!!!"

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT MICHAEL KOFFMAN.

Also, when Harry was at the school, he found this weird guy who he assumed may have been the principal because he didn't exactly dress like a doctor.

"WHO ARE YOU," shouted the hair man.

"I AM MICHAEL KOFFMAN," he said, coughing a manly cough.

"HAVE YOU SEEN A LITTLE GIRL SHORT BLACK HAIR JUST TURNED SEVEN," he repeated the infamous question.

"NO." He got up and left.

":(."

After the really short flashback, Harry climbed over the wreckage the bed had created when the hurricane came and disrupted the order of the rooms. "I'M HARRY MASON A MAN OF ACTION HAVE YOU SEE A LITTLE GIRL WITH SHORT BLACK HAIR JUST TURNED SEVEN?!!!!"

"SADLY I HAVE NOT THE LAST LITTLE GIRL I SAW WHO HAD JUST TURNED SEVEN WITH SEEMINGLY SHORT BLACK HAIR WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO SHE DIED END OF STORY GOD, QUIT ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS!!!"

Harry stared at her in confused silence, although his face was as calm as a certain protagonist who was seemingly trapped in his demonic demon-possessed demon room.

"YEAH OKAY SO WHAT HAPPENED HERE"

"I DON'T KNOW BUT I THINK WE SHOULD DO STUFF TO GET OUT HERE'S A LOCKPICK I THINK YOU THE MASTER OF UNLOCKING WILL FIND GREAT USE OF IT IN THE FUTURE"

"LIKE K LOL"

"ANYWAY MY NAME IS LISA GARLAND OF NO RELATION TO STEVE GARLAND WHO OWNED A PET STORE IN SOUTH ASHFIELD AND WHO WAS THE VICTIM OF THIS WEIRD GUY IN A BLUE COAT"

"YEAH I THINK I'VE SEEN HIM GOLLY IS HE SCARY"

"YES HE IS"

After their little chat, Harry grabbed another rolling bed and threw it at various doors, too lazy and "stupid" to solve the puzzles they had laid out. I completely forgot the boss of the hospital, but whatever it was, Harry Mason fought it. He then did stuff and the hospital returned normal.

Just as he was leaving the hospital for good, he stopped in his tracks.

"Now do I want the Good + ending, or do I want just the plain old Good ending...?" He stood still, stroking his chin with his arm crossed over the other. He couldn't decide if he wanted to save Cybil or not. If he wanted to get the Good + ending, he had to save Cybil and Koffman. If he wanted just to Good ending, he had to save just Kauffman, which is rather simple. He scratched his head and decided he'd just get the Good + ending, just to keep the reader entertained.

He ran back into the depths of the hospital, having it turned "normal" and demonless, and ran to get the liquid you're supposed to use to turn Cybil back to normal after being possessed by monstrous demons. He then ran back out and to the antique shop, which I, being as forgetful as an old man with Alzheimers, completely forgot that an important conversation took place between Civil War and Heinrich Mason.

"OKAY SO WHERE DID WE LEAVE OFF" Harry walked in as Cybil sat on a chair, filing her nails.

"Huh? Oh, right." She stood up and put the filer into her pocket. "I WAS RUNNING AROUND TOWN WHEN I SAW A LITTLE GIRL WITH BLACK HAIR AT THE LAKE SHE DISAPPEARED INTO THE FOG THOUGH SO I CAME BACK HERE"

"OMG STUPID WHY DIDN'T YOU CHASE HER" Harry grabbed her, shook her, and slapped her.

"THERE WASN'T ANY GROUND TO GET TO THE LAKE, STUPID!!!! ALL THE PATHS HAD BEEN DECIMATED OR BLOCKED, SO I HAD NO WAY TO GET THERE!!! SHE WAS FLOATING ON AIR, OR SOMETHING!!!"

"Hmmmmmmmmmm I wonder how you get there."

When he faced the hole he had created before my perception of the events in this game because twisted and distorted, the option "Enter the hole" popped up, and the player laughed an immature laugh.

"Hahaha. That's what Walter did last night with Henry."

And so, Harry ended up in the Alternate Hospital once more and searched around to find Lisarg to ask her questions of the town. He constantly woke up and fell asleep, so whenever he thought he was awake, he was dreaming. The first "dream" that occured was when he passed out in the hallway of the hospital. He awoke on a bed in one of the patient rooms that was covered in blood. Lisa was staring over him with big freaky eyes, but nowhere near as freaky as Leon's in the Resident Evil 2 intro.

"LIKE OMG HI," said Lisa in her ultrai kawaii-desu voice. "YOU PASSED OUT SO I THOUGHT I'D BRING YOU HERE"

"YEAH OKAY DO YOU KNOW ANY WAY TO GET TO THE LAKE"

"INSERT RANDOM STREET NAME HERE IS THE ONLY STREET I KNOW BUT THERE'S AN OLD SEWER PLANT YOU CAN USE THAT TAKES YOU TO THE LAKE"

"YEAH OKAY COOL THANKS" Harry then woke up in the hole of the wall and decided he'd fly to the sewage plant.

What awaited Harry down the steps?!! Find out next time!! 


	5. KAPITEL FÜNF

KAPITEL FÜNF

After descending the ladder into the deep, dark depths that were the sewers, Harry Mason thought without second thought that this level would be easier than the other levels, because its layout was relatively simple and he felt all he had to do was just get to the end.

"HMMMM," thought he in loud voice. "THE LAYOUT OF THIS LEVEL IS RELATIVELY SIMPLE AND I FEEL ALL I HAVE TO DO IS JUST GET TO THE END!!!!"

He whipped a hovercraft from his back pocket and began to hover over the streams of sewage, firing guided missiles at the iron gates that stopped you from going further. He had his sunglasses flipped down, an arm flipped over the side, and a smug grin on his face as he played "Bad Boys" on the radio.

"BAD BOYS BAD BOYS," sang he, "WHATCHU GONNA DO WHATCHU GONNA DO WHEN HARRY MASON COMES FOR YOU"

Just as he finished the elegant and opera-esque chorus, a CROCODILE WITH ITS HEAD SPLIT started to chase Harry Mason around the sewers. It bit onto his hovercraft, causing it to explode, with Harry flying out of it and onto the walkway above the sewage. He landed safely on his tuckus, a better opportunity to view his attacker taken curiously and regrettably.

The crocodile appeared to have two jaws; the larger, more apparent one was split wide open to reveal another one underneath. It was covered in wool, which Harry thought to be strange, but he was in Silent Hill, after all. It had a rather bizarre grin on its face, and that just made Harry even edgier. He raced after it, beating it with his pipe and shouting "BACK, YE DEMON!!!" The crocodile cast Water 2 on Harry Mason, reducing his HP to 40/843. When the Time Bar shone brightly on his screen, he quickly used a Hi-Potion. The crocodile Gored him, but Harry Mason was able to dodge. He quickly cast Thunder 3 on the water beast, and it quickly fell. The victory music played as Harry Mason got 3200 EXP and leveled up.

Just as more crocodile demons showed, Harry had found the exit. He raced up the ladder and found himself in the resort area. He just stood there once he climbed out the manhole lololol manhole, because he had absolutely no idea what the crap he was supposed to do.

"Uhhh," said he. "I think I go and..." He lost his train of thought as he went into the resort hotel motel thing's main office to look for a strategy guide. Luckily, he found out the landlord was playing the same game just before he got there, so he quickly thumbed through the guide to find what he was supposed to do next. He shouted in joy once he found he was supposed to find the key to Kauffman's room.

"HMMMM I WONDER WHERE SAID KEY IS," said he. He looked around the room that stuff happens in, and after standing aimlessly, he whipped the strategy guide back out. "OKAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON A WALL," thought he. He punched a hole in a wall, grabbed the key, and ran over to Kauffman's room.

He kicked the door open and ran inside. "GASP," said he. "KAUFFMAN IS BEING ATTACKED BY A DEMON?!!! I MUST SAFE HIM!!!"

"ARRRRG MONSTERRRRS," Kauffman screamed as the monster who attackethed him tried to BITE HIS BALLS. Harry fired a rocket at the monster, and the whole resort motel hotel thing complex EXPLODED.

"THANKS FOR SAFING MY LIFE, MASON," said Mikhail in thanks. "YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY AFTER ALL"

"AW, THANKS, MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO NOW"

"I DUNNO, BUT DON'T GO CHECKING IN THE GARAGE FOR A MOTORCYCLE WHERE MANY FIRST THOUGHTS INCLUDE YOU RIDING A MOTORCYCLE AND SWINGING YOUR GIANT-ASS SWORD AS DEMONCYCLES AS YOUR FRIENDS TRY TO ESCAPE THE SHINRA BUILDING USING THIS KEY!!" He threw his motorcycle key at him and walked off with his briefcase of mystery.

Harry Mason stared at the key in his hand. Then he equiped it as a weapon.

Harry Mason ran around the resort complex he had rebuilt from his memories in circles until he found the garage in which there was a motorcycle.

"I WISH I HAD MOTORCYCLE TRAINING," shouted he in glee. He sat on the seat and pretended to be in a police chase, just like a little boy would on his father's motorcycle he knew not to touch. He swirved the handles, pretended to radio the station, and pretended to fire his guns at the car ahead of him. He would shout in glee and make car noises, all before Kauffman walked back in.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Harry looked up and stared at him with the calmest face ever. After a few moments passed of Harry staring calmly and Kauffman coughing like a manly man, Harry jumped off the motorcycle, kicked the gas tank, and pulled the A-word chemical out and ran off. Kauffman growled and chased after Harry, tackling him and wrestling him to the ground. They grunted and struggled, Harry holding the A-word liquid above Michael's reach so he wouldn't be able to grab it. Michael pinned both of Harry's arms down, ripped the liquid from his hand, and stuffed it into his now magical briefcase of mystery. Michael kept both his Harry's arms pinned with a single hand as he sat on his abdomen.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS CHEMICAL?!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS TOWN!!! HELP ME PLZ!!!"

"NO." Coughman then got up and walked out.

":(," said Hairy once more. Harry Mason thought for a moment as to what to do, then decided he'd skip a bunch of the game and just go to the amusement park. It was dark and monsters were there and you could see the merry-go-round in the background. Harry Mason was a scared man of action. He looked around with a fearful expression on his face, jumping at every little sound. Feeling his way around in the dark, he eventually found his way to the bright merry-go-round and climbed up to it.

In a CG cutscene, Cybil walked towards our Hairy protagonist with her eyes as red as the blood that coursed through her veins unless you knew about the option to change the blood color, which in that case it would be either green, purple, or black. Harry Masonry stared in shock, confused by his former friend's actions.

"CYCLE!!!," shouted he. "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY SOUL?!!" Cybil shot her amazing pistol of death at Harry Nosam, of which he dodged with amazing dodging skillz. Harry whipped out his hunting rifle, and since this isn't SH2 where you can kill Eddie with just two shots--technically three, Harry wasted about fourteen to twenty bullets on her before she fell.

"CYBIIILLLLL!!!!!" Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out the red liquid and POURED IT DOWN CIVIL WAR'S THROAT

"ACK," said she as she awoke once more. "I HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR ONCE AND NOW MUSTN'T DIE ONCE MORE!!!"

"JOLLY GOOD, THEN!!!"

Harry then ran off to redo all the worlds all over again just like in SH4. He ran into Lisa and she turned into a puppet monster. Then he screamed as he had to solve some moar puzzulz. He solved them because it was put onto easy mode, and he stepped up to the final door.

What awaits Harry Mason once he steps through the final door?! Find out in the final chapter!!


	6. KAPITEL SECHS

Note: This is probably going to be better than the last chapter, which, in my opinion, was seriously the worst chapter in this whole fanfic. This is also going to be the last chapter, and it might be relatively short, compared to the previous three chapters I wrote.

KAPITEL SECHS

After Harry Mason had stepped through the final door, he was startled by a cutscene. Alessa had been sitting next to Dahlia, and Dahlia spoke in crypticism as she had before.

"THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED," spoke she. "THE RITUAL SHALL BE FINISHED AND COMPLETED!!"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT," spoke Harry. "I HAVEN'T READ ANY OF THE DOCUMENTS OR WATCHED ANY OF THE VIDEOS SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAINLY BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH HELL JUST TO FIND MY STUPID DAUGHTER!!! I'VE BEEN FIGHTING DEMONIC NURSES, DOGS, AND MUTATED CHILDREN ALL FOR SOME BRAT WHO NEEDS TO LEARN TO FREAKING STAY PUT!!!" He whipped out his rocket launcher and shot it at Dahlia. Just as this happened, Coughman came and started screaming at Harry.

"What the hell did you just do?!! You completely destroyed the woman who was going to attempt at my life and basically reveal your daughter's whereabouts to you!! Are you insane?!!"

"WHERE MAH DAUGHTER, FOOL?!!!" He grabbed Koffman by his collar and started shaking him.

"SHE'S RIGHT THERE!!!" He pointed to Alessa, who in the midst of Koffingman's screaming and Harry's idiocy had birthed the God that lay in her stomach, as in the logic of SH3. Since Harry had saved Civil War and Coughingman, he was going to get the Good + ending, so Incubator was the demon which had risen from Aliza's stomach. Harry grabbed his shotgun and ran around the stage again.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!," screamed the player as Harry was shot down by lightning. He hit "Continue."

When the cutscene restarted, Harry punched Koffman before he could start complaining about stupid shit and started to shoot at Incubator once moar. Incubator killed him in three hits once more, and Harry died once more.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!!" the player hit "Continue."

Harry broke the fourth wall once the cutscene restarted and began to shake Koffman violently, screaming in his sometimes handsome and sometimes ugly face.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!!"

"I don't know!! How about you try dodging its attacks?!"

"Oh okay c:" Harry then fought the demon with ease. Once it died, Alessa was reborn as a beautiful young woman who wore a gown of white. She birthed out a child for Harry Mason and Harry Mason ran to a portal of light. Michel Davisman was still living, and Lisa the Puppet Nurse attacked him and pulled him into the DEPTHS OF HELLLLLZ

Harry Mason ran to his car as the snow that once fell finally began to stick.

The end. 


End file.
